Pretty Virgin Read online

  “Well, that’s where you’re wrong.”

  “Ugh.” She throws her hands up and I can hear the frustration in her voice. “You make no sense. You say stuff like I’m yours, but you ghosted me.”

  “With my sister?” I glance over to her and she rolls her eyes again.

  “I may have seen you with her and assumed she was another woman, but that doesn’t explain why the hell you disappeared. One second you had your hands on—” She blushes as she looks out the window and clears her throat. “You just seemed interested and then you weren’t. It felt like something changed and I don’t get it.”

  “Goddamn it, Sky.” I bang my fist on the steering wheel as I park in front of the pie shop I know she loves. “Sit here and wait. Do you think you can do that?”

  She doesn’t look at me as she nods and I get out. I try to be quick because I’m terrified she’s going to run. I got lost in work for one hour before I headed to my parents for family dinner. I wasn’t checking the tracking on her as closely as I should have been throughout today. She slipped through my fingers for a second and then she shows up out of nowhere with Jon. I’m going to murder him when I get back to the house, but I can handle that. What I can’t handle is Sky walking around the world without me by her side to protect her from shit like getting knocked down and scraping her knees.

  “I need three key lime, one lemon, a strawberry, and two cherry,” I say as I slide the cash across the counter.

  I glance back over my shoulder and when I see she’s still in the cab some of the pressure in my chest releases.

  I’ll never be whole, not as long as I’m not by her side every moment of every day, but she doesn’t deserve to have me on her like this. At least with her knowing about it.

  It’s not right, a man wanting to be on a woman like I do with her. I have the urge to lie on top of her and shield her from everyone else in the world. I want to carry her in my arms all the time so she’s safe and protected. I want to know every single thought inside her head and share every moment of her day with her. This kind of obsession is so over the top that I know I’ve probably lost my damn mind. But Sky is what my whole life revolves around and if I have to do that from a distance to keep from putting out her light, then I will.

  I thought by stepping back that she would be better off, but the hurt in her eyes when she first saw me cut a piece of my heart. I don’t want her to hate me, but what choice is there? I thought I could love her from afar. That it would be enough but today proves that would never work. When I saw my brother touch her, I lost it. It would only have been a matter of time before she went on a date and I could have come unhinged then. This was inevitable.

  I grab the stack of boxes and walk out to the truck. I place them between us and I hate the separation. I should have just tossed them in the back and hoped for the best, but I want her to have everything her heart desires.

  “Which one is mine?” she asks softly and I hear her stomach growl.

  “All of them.” I answer, surprised she didn’t realize that to begin with. “Whatever you want, it’s yours.”

  “Jason, I can’t eat all these.” But I notice she pulls the stack closer to her.

  “You need to. You’re losing weight.”

  “How would you know?” She sounds offended again and it’s my turn to roll my eyes.

  “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

  “You’re so frustrating. You say the nicest things and then follow it up like that. Why are you so cryptic? Are you in the mob or something?”

  For the first time in what feels like years I let out a loud belly laugh.

  Chapter 3

  Skyler

  He’s crazy. That’s all I can think as we make the drive back towards my place. Or maybe I’m crazy because I’m not trying to get away. I’d rather take the ride than a cab or the subway, though. This is cheaper, but I’m not sure it’s any easier. My heart is still pounding from seeing him and now I’m alone with him in a confined space. Everything about Jason does it for me, including his bluntness.

  I swear he cast a spell on me because once again I’m falling. There’s something about his touch that undoes me. I don’t understand it, but with the smallest brush of his fingers my whole body goes haywire and all I feel is a pulsing need to be closer to him. It’s both terrifying and exciting.

  I think that's why my life felt so empty when he stopped talking to me. I was just living before him and every day was the same. I was in a boring routine and in a life, at one time, I thought I wanted. It’s why I moved to Chicago to begin with because I’d been let down too many times before. I thought being alone would make it so that couldn't happen anymore.

  I wanted to live a normal small life with a fresh start and it was working until Jason came along. He brought something new and exciting to my life, but as quickly as it started he disappeared. Once again I was faced with the reality that I can’t lean on anyone.

  His laugh fills the inside of the truck and warms my skin all over. I have to fight a smile and I remind myself I’m mad. I'm trying to wallow in my self-pity over here and I have to bite my lip to keep from grinning.

  “Well? What do you expect? One day your offices are filled and now everything is just gone.” It was eerie when I showed up for work and was told we no longer needed to clean the top two floors and that the business was gone. I went up to steal a peek because I didn’t believe it. There was nothing left. I never go up there anymore because it’s filled with memories of Jason and I try to keep those away.

  “Sometimes businesses go under, Sky.” His laugh fades away and a long sigh takes its place.

  “I’m sorry,” I admit. It isn't uncommon. I’ve been cleaning the building for some time now and I’ve seen several come and go. Some businesses go under and others move. I wasn't sure where Jason’s went, but I convinced myself he wanted to be so far from me that he moved his office. I know it’s a silly thought, but it’s what cemented in my brain. Years of my parents keeping their distance from me left its mark.

  I feel bad that he lost it all; why couldn't he have shared that with me? To be honest I don’t even know what it was he did because all the offices look the same. The only real difference to Jason’s was the scent. It always smelled like him. It was like warm maple syrup and it made my mouth water. Before I met him I liked it, and then even more once I got to put a face to the scent. I know it’s crazy, but I was addicted to it before I ever met him and I thought maybe we were meant to be or some crap because of it. I guess he and I aren’t so different after all, but at least I’m not two-faced, because he clearly is. He goes from hot to cold in a flash and one second he won’t let me go then the next he can’t get away from me fast enough.

  “I’m fixing it.” He shrugs and doesn’t elaborate.

  I’m almost thankful for his short response because it reminds me of reality. We may have only spent a small amount of time together, but there was something between us and it was big. I can feel it all around us even now in the cab of the truck, but his hot and cold isn't going to work for me. I was finally starting to get over him, but even as I think that, I know it isn’t true. I might have been able to get over him one day, but this is a major setback.

  “You do that,” I clip, unable to be nice. “I’ll work on eating all my pie,” I shoot him a glare that I don’t think he sees because his eyes are on the road.

  “I’m going to fix that, too,” he adds.

  “I have not lost any weight!” I yell at him. He glances over at me and shakes his head.

  I don’t think I have, but I don’t own a scale. Those things are the devil and I’m not letting one into my place.

  “Trust me, I would know.”

  What does he really care? If I lost any weight it would be because I lost my appetite. I moped around for weeks after I saw him with that woman. I want to facepalm myself now that I know it was his sister, but I feel a little better at the knowledge.

  Still, it’s been months since I saw
him. There could have been others and I’m sure there were. I add fuel to my own fire for good measure because I need to keep my anger or I’ll fold like a cheap chair under his touch. So much came rushing back when I was sitting in his mother's kitchen. Hell, when he’d been fighting with his brother over me I had a sick satisfaction at watching it play out.

  I shouldn't have enjoyed the jealousy I saw all over Jason’s face, but I loved every single second of it. I’d feel guilty if Jon hadn’t laughed off the fight afterwards. I’m sure growing up together it might have been normal. Not that I would know. Before today I had no idea Jason had siblings because he never told me those things. Everything was so single layer when I think back on it. It’s almost as though he was scared to get too close to me or didn't want to, but it’s not adding up with the way he’s acting now. The things he’s saying sound crazy and I can’t understand any of it.

  I shouldn't judge him about the not sharing part though. I hadn't told him about my past either. My family isn't in my life and I moved to get away from them. Thank god they haven't come looking for me. For all I know they turned their noses up when they found me and let me be. But either way I don’t care because I don’t want a relationship with my parents. They were nothing like Jason’s mom. That women has mother written all over her and she’s the kind of mom everyone wants.

  “I don’t trust anything about you,” I say to him because I can’t hold back what I’m feeling. “You still haven't said you aren't in the mob,” I add, and he doesn't laugh this time.

  “While I want your trust, I don’t need it.” He shrugs, but it’s stiff this time. “I’ll make sure you eat the pie.”

  “You’re not coming in.” I point my finger at him as he pulls up to a spot in front of my building.

  “Sure I’m not.” He winks before grabbing all the pies between us and hopping out. I watch as he comes around and opens my door for me.

  “You stole my pies,” I mutter in defeat.

  I’ll have to let him up now if I want them. He holds out his hand to help me out of the truck, but I ignore it. It’s better if we don’t touch. I wince when my feet hit the ground and the pain from my scraped knees comes back. Jason lets out a curse and he shouts to the guy at the small newspaper stand nearby.

  “Billy,” he calls out, and the guy comes running over.

  “Hey, Mr. Fisher.” He smiles to Jason. “How are you doing today?”

  My eyes dart between them. How the heck do they know each other? The older man never talks and I hardly know him. Everything is always “yes,” “no,” or “we’re out.”

  “I could use a hand,” he tells Billy as he hands him the boxes of pies. Then he wraps an arm around me.

  I go to pull back from him, but he lifts me into his arms before I can. “I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth. I can walk, but it feels good to be in his arms again. I said I was fine, but I rest my head on his shoulder anyway and breathe him in.

  “Billy can’t leave his stand. Come back for the pie,” I say against his neck.

  “I don’t trust you either, Sky.” Jason clips the words but doesn't sound mad at me. Instead his voice is filled with self-loathing. I lift my head to glare at him. “If I left them in the car and came back for them you wouldn't let me back into your place. I know you’d lock the door.”

  I would. “Someone could steal from Billy's stand,” I counter, not denying that I would lock him out. But then I wouldn't get my pies. Damn, that’s a double-edged sword.

  “I’ll pay for anything that’s taken. Besides, this will only take a second.” Jason enters my building and goes straight for the stairs.

  It’s one flight up to get to my place and the building is only five stories tall. There are four units on each floor and mine is the smallest one. I didn't need much even though I grew up in a big home. All that space felt empty to me and my place feels cozy.

  I reach into my bag and pull out my keys before I unlock the door. Jason pushes it open for me and enters like he owns the place. He puts me down on my sofa that doubles as my bed then takes out his wallet and hands Billy some money. Billy hands over the pies, thanks Jason and leaves. The sound of the lock is loud in my small studio as Jason turns to look at me.

  “Why wasn't the alarm on?” That was not what I thought he was going to say. He points at the small box on the wall next to the front door.

  “I thought I’d only be gone a second.” The pie adventure wasn’t planned and got me into this mess.

  “Always set it, Sky,” he orders.

  “I think you should leave.” I tilt my chin up in challenge.

  “Clearly you need someone to look after you.”

  This time it’s me who laughs. I’ve been looking out for myself my whole life. The idea of someone else doing it is laughable. It sounds wonderful but Jason reminds me it’s something he can't give me. I learned that lesson once and I don't want to do it again. From my family or him, for that matter. I was shocked when I realized his disappearing cut deeper than my parents ever did and I know I can’t go through that again. Not even for a second can I let myself think Jason could be mine or that he wants me to be his.

  If he truly wanted me the way he’s claiming he did, then he wouldn’t have let me go. But really I’m not so shocked because no one ever comes looking for me.

  Chapter 4

  Jason

  “What are you thinking?” I step closer to her as I see a sadness cross her eyes. “What was that thought right then?”

  “It’s nothing.” She looks away from me and I don’t like it.

  “Tell me, Skyler. I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what just made you so sad.” I see what looks like tears forming in her eyes and I curse as I go to her and kneel down beside the bed.

  “It’s nothing, it’s fine.” She tries to turn away from me to look out the window, but I don’t let her.

  “You’re mad at me,” I say, and it’s a statement, but she nods like I asked her a question and still won’t look at me. “You think I disappeared because I don’t want you.”

  “Well, if you wanted me you’ve got a terrible way of showing it,” she snaps.

  “I stayed away to protect you but I never stopped wanting you.”

  “To protect me?” Her eyes narrow in confusion. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  I swallow hard and contemplate for a moment how to put into words what I feel. My fears and my passion all circle around her and every moment of my life is hinged on her movements. How do I describe what that’s like and how do I control myself when she inevitably pushes me away? Stepping back and watching her from a distance was the one way I could manage it. But seeing her today with Jon has sparked something I never thought possible. She could start a life with someone else and though it sounds idiotic I never thought that was possible.

  In my mind and soul there was no one else for me, and I know she felt that, too. I didn’t really have a plan other than keeping my distance before today. Now I see that I’ve gone about this the wrong way and I’ve got to somehow make it right. And to start, I need her to understand what it is I feel for her.

  “I’m obsessed with you,” I whisper as I lower my chin and look down at my hands. “I don’t know how to explain it other than I can’t control myself with you.”

  “Then why did you leave?” Some of the anger in her voice is gone but I can sense she’s still hesitant.

  “I don’t think you understand. It’s uncontrollable.” I look up at her as I take her hands in mine. “I want you more than I want to breathe and the longer we stayed together the worse it became. I had to take a step back, but I never stopped watching you, and I damn well never stopped wanting you.”

  She’s silent as I think about the torture of watching her from a distance.

  “I’ll smother you and make demands and never let you more than an inch away from me. I’ll force my way into every part of your life and bury myself so deep inside you that you’ll have no choice but to carry
me with you wherever you go.”

  “Jason.” Her voice is softer now and I hate how much I love the way she says my name.

  “Can you imagine a life like that, Skyler? One where I’m always two steps behind you or watching you sleep. Would you want to live with me at your heels like a dog always ready to love you?” I close my eyes and shake my head. “I will never stop and it will only get worse with time. I know in my soul that whatever you give me won’t be enough and I’ll spend every moment of every day wanting you.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” I feel her fingers tighten around mine, but I can’t let hope take root.

  “I lost my business and everything that I’d built. I’m getting it back, but the thought of not being able to give you everything you wanted tore me into pieces. You deserve a man that can shower you with wealth, but I wasn’t even good enough to let you go.”

  “You fell off the face of the earth. How did you not let me go?”

  I look up at her with a sardonic smile. “I was always watching. I looked away from you for one second today and you fell into the arms of my brother. What am I supposed to believe will happen if I turn my back on you completely? It’s not something I can do, but the thought sends me straight into a living nightmare.”

  “It wasn’t like that. But I need you to tell me what you mean by you were always watching me.” There’s only curiosity in her voice which gives me a little relief.

  “When we met in my office that first night and I gave you my shirt I knew instantly that I couldn’t let you go. I went a little overboard and when you gave me your phone to put in my number, I shared the location with myself. From then on I could see where you were and I made sure to be close. You don’t go to a lot of places, so it kind of made it easy for me to be nearby. But that’s how I lost you today. I was used to you going out for your quick breakfast and then going back home and I didn’t factor in your love of pie. I should have had a stack delivered two weeks ago when you got your period.”